We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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