her vagine was all disorganized.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
