Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he puts the penis in happiness.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
