someone owes me an orgasm
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
