i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize