I think my fart just growled at me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
