He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
