Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to make out with him forever
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
