my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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