I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
