Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
