Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
