Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
