i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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