Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize