"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
