So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
