I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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