I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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