hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
