my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
