New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize