He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
