I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
