shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize