did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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