Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
