Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
