I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
