I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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