im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
