The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
