I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize