how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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