you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
