quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
