i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize