Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
