I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
