Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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