I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
