Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
