I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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