Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
