I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
