she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
vagina is talking i cant
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
