please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
