We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
