mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
