Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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