There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
