Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize