tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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