I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
