2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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