i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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