dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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