my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize