It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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