Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
