i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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