id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
