Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
A+ Viking dick
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
