just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
