There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The power of my boobs compel you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
