Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sober January is a disaster.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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