I just pynch a tree in the face
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
