hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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