She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
