I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
