How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
