you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
