You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
