she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
