two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
