We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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