if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
