You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
