I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
