Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
