how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
