it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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