can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
