We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
