you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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