i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
