I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
