She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
