I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
