You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
