Tell her she can't have a vagina
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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