you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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