I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
