The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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