think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize