if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
