He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
