We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
